Barrel Of A Gun
by Kiroku Ookami
Summary: A man consumed by his addiction, helpless to pursue any other course of action. This is a glimpse of his lapse into insanity. Not for young readers.


**A/N:** This isn't my first fanfic, but go easy on me. I'm rather new to writing, having read for the greater part of my three years in Inuyasha fanfiction.

I love songfics-especially well-written ones. If you enjoy this one (or are looking for a better example of one), check out White Dire Wolf's _The Demons Within Us_.

It should go without saying (despite my telling you now) that I don't own Inuyasha. Nor do I own Guster or their song, "Barrel Of A Gun." I suggest listening to it while you read.

_**********************~IIIIIIIIIII~IIIIIIIIIII~IIIIIIIIIII~**_

**_Barrel Of A Gun_**

**_I~I_**

**_by Kiroku Ookami_**

Clutching the bottle in a death grip, he stumbled to his room. Nothing registered in his mind. Not the cat yowling at his heels, not the cracked pictures that fell to the floor, not even the icy temperature of his apartment. _Nothing._

_Isn't nothing all that matters?_ he thought, tearing into his bedroom. A swig of Steven's took care of those despairing thoughts. Nothing mattered. Nothing but finding what he needed. The picture of his little_ amante dorada _hung proudly above his bed. Ignoring it, he trudged over to the armoire and dug out the key from his pocket.

Before he turned it, a brief moment of clarity cleared his mind. "What am I doing?" he muttered. "What the hell am I doing?"

It was gone. He shook his head to empty it and returned to the task at hand, growling as the key stuck. Jiggling it did nothing.

Growling, he attacked the lock with ferocity that shook the whole dresser.

He wanted it _now_, damn it! Not tomorrow! Now!

Finally, it turned, and he nearly yanked the drawer off its track in his haste. With fumbling fingers, he nearly spilled the stuff all over the wood as he extricated the little baggie and cut it open.

He hardly realized what he'd been doing before the formerly full snack-sized bag of crack was completely empty. _Uh-oh…_

Too much, too soon.

Spluttering, he keeled over, gasping for breath while his head spun.

Gulping in air to no avail, his vision blurred and twisted, he succumbed to the warped cosmos before him. Amorphous shapes and twinkling stars danced in his eyes..._wait, what was that? _

He blinked and refocused.

The _amante dorada. _

She winked at him, beckoning from her perch above his bed.

_**I know a movie star, I've got her plastered to my wall  
Just like we're dear old friends, like she already knows me**_

Absentmindedly, he realized that she was calling him.

_**  
She's perfect as she seems, lifts me right out the Mezzanine  
I finally fell in love, I'd been waiting forever…**_

_**  
**_With surprising lucidity, he stood up and drifted to her.

_**  
Four, three, two, one  
When at the barrel of a gun**_

His room lit up with warm chartreuse and azul hues, painted by the warped sunset filtering through his open window.

_**  
Keep my head way down.  
Stay out, I'll stay in.**_

Yet it was still night. Night and still warm as the setting-or was it rising?-sun.

_**Half dead, half numb  
She's enough to make me warm  
It's all so safe and sound.**_

_**  
**_Beauty, indescribable security and comfort cascaded down upon him, like aquamarine tidal waves on his gray beach

_**  
Lie back and fast asleep, if you could see what I could see  
Drip drop a lovely dream/**_

Sparkling, silver, glass shards, shattered like the pieces of his heart.

_**  
God damn you movie star, can't you just stay a minute more?  
We'd be the best of friends,**_

_It's not enough for me_, he thought.

_**You could stay here forever…  
**_

_Just what I wanted to hear. _

He reached out, dying to feel her soft skin.

_**  
Four, three, two, one  
When at the barrel of a gun  
Keep my head way down.  
Stay out I'll stay in.  
**_

Viridian eyes that spoke wonders, copper skin, and feathery onyx tresses-his muse.

_**Half dead, half numb  
She's enough to make me warm**_

_**It's all so safe and sound.**_

_**  
**_Dragging his lips over her frozen, glossy mouth, she responded. He rejoiced.

_**She will be sweet on me, just like a mystery  
It's not so hard to see if I'm not mistaken**_

Alive and warm. _She's real after all. _He couldn't resist pressing his face to hers once again.

_**  
She comes from far away, and gets closer everyday**_

_**  
And all that I can say is that she's all I want and all that I live for**__Auburn skies and amber lies…_

_To need this crutch to see you, it's no surprise._

Someone screamed. Suddenly, his world vanished.

_**Four, three, two, one  
When at the barrel of a gun**_

Air rushed into his lungs, ice shot through his veins as he was thrown into consciousness. His senses screamed at the onslaught of sensations-among them overwhelming pain and fire…choking. _I'm choking!_

_**  
Keep my head way down.  
Stay out I'll stay in.  
**_

Warm arms…

"_MIROKU! WAKE UP!_ You can't die on me now! WAKE UP! _WAKE UP!"_

_**Half dead, half numb**_

Wrapped around him…

_Mi amante…_

_**She's enough to make me warm**_

_**It's all so safe and sound.**_

His body couldn't take it all, and for the second time, he lost consciousness, the woman screaming, trying desperately to revive him.


End file.
